Does anyone know where my camera cord is?

It's really starting to piss me off. I got all excited earlier, thinking I finally found it, but it was the damn ipod cord. I knew I hated Apple.


I have lots of cute Christmas pictures and pictures of the girls haircuts.......too bad I can't share.

oh lord, so excited!

Just found out The Pretenders will be at the Fox on March 12th. I will be ordering tickets tomorrow.

I got to see Joan Jett back in September and now The Pretender's!?!?!?

I'm SO happy!!!!

to Brad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8B1ai25lUo

You are amazing.

I am doing pretty good, going about life happy and relatively stress-free until a package arrived. From my dad. I am assuming it is for the girls since it is a toy. He didn't send a card or call to tell me it was coming. The only reason I knew it was from him was because if had his name on the Kohl's shipping paperwork.
This presents several problems. The first being it reminds me that he is in fact near us physically, although he chooses not to be a part of our life. The second is the issue with my girls. They do not know him. He has been given every opportunity. The last time I heard from him was a message on our machine last year wishing "Payton & Leah" a Merry Christmas. Ellie is almost 3 years old and he has never got her name right. The girls were excited to have a package delivered. I let them have the toy. They asked who it was from. I begrudgingly said "Your grandpa Jim." Because they are 2 and 4 years old, they have no concept of this man. I can talk about him all I want, but until they spend any time with him, they will not know him. He could live with Patrick under a rock for all they know. Ellie actually still believes the gift came from momma's "gym". The next problem is what do I do now? Call and thank him? Send a note? Send a gift in return? I don't want to do any of that. He hasn't contacted me in almost 2 years. He came to our house for a BBQ in June of 2007, and I haven't heard from him since. And that BBQ was a reunion of sorts after not seeing one another for a year before that. He sets me up for hurt over and over again. I am tired of letting him in.

A letter to my dad.

There are so many things I want to say. So many things I SHOULD say.

I am hurt. Anything related to you hurts. I have no good memories. Only sad and at times downright scary. Even now, you continue to hurt me.

I am a mom now, which puts things in a totally different prospective. My children are my life. Payton and Ellie are amazing, amazing kids. I could never for one instant consider abandoning them. If Ryan and I were even 1 tiny fraction as special as my girls are, how could you just walk away? And then come back. Again. And again. To hurt us more. What do you think that does to a child's self-worth?

I'm not a child anymore, I am an adult. But in our relationship, I am still YOUR child. You have to right these wrongs. Or even attempt to. Your lack of effort shows me you have no remorse. You have picked the pieces of your life up. All but two. I should not have to question myself at all times...question whether I am worthy or at least good enough, or hell, even satisfactory in ALL aspects of my life. And this is because of you. Because of the things that you have done.

The worst part? I feel guilt. I feel guilty that I don't try harder. I feel sad. I am sad that you will never know these two unbelievable grandchildren that you have been given every opportunity to know. I am sad that you don't know me. I am angry. So angry. So much that I have to consciously separate my feelings about you from the rest of my life. I can not let them poison me. I am angry that I feel guilty. Really. You did this. And now I have to feel the guilt of not having a relationship with you? Where is your guilt? What are you going to do to right these wrongs? I have never asked anything of you. Never. But you constantly take from me. You took my sense of security a long time ago and I have never got it back. I can't let that continue. I certainly WILL NOT let you hurt my girls.

You need to make a few choices. You need to reevaluate your priorities. If I am not one of them, so be it. If I am, you need to show it. If by chance you decide that you want to be a part of my family's life, you have a lot of work ahead of you. I will not accept these pathetic attempts you make few and far between. I've got to do this. I can't just keep waiting for you to make a move. I hate to say this, but it is all or nothing.

let it snow

Brrrrrrrrr.

home today

Ellie had a fever last night, so I stayed home with the girls today. They are currently chasing each other around the house giggling like mad.
I have to take Payton to the doctor at 2 for them to look at her mole. Or where her mole once was. Hopefully they have nothing but good news for us.
I'm trying to get the energy to get my butt up and start our salt dough ornaments. I need to finish Miss Melissa's Xmas present too. I'm not looking forward to using the glue gun. I always end up with scorched fingers.
We got the girls snow day pics back. Seriously. They make me cry. I'll upload them later today....Ellie just called from the bathroom, "Mom, the floor is wet....it's either pee pee or gatorade!" Lovely.

Holy Moly, this is my 100th post!
I suppose it is the perfect time to congratulate my bestest friend Lori! She had an ultrasound today and she is having a girl!!!! Yay! I know she secretly wanted a girl, so I am thrilled for her. Now bring on the PINK!
Here we are in Vegas for her wedding. She had no idea that in a few short months she'd be preparing to be a momma. xoxo




Also, speaking of friends....THANK YOU CHRISTINA! The girls LOVE their Christmas Memory Game. It's so cute!!! What a great idea. We have played tons already.
Did you know the cards double as earrings?

I haven't seen Ellie sit this still in like.....well......ever! :P

fairy dust

You know what's weird? Payton is going to be 5 in a little more than a month and I still think of her as a baby. Most moms understand that, I am sure. Last night, she told me that her tooth hurt when she bit her carrot. I took a closer look. It's LOOSE! All of a sudden, overnight, I feel like she's grown up! Kids who lose teeth are not babies. (Those of you thinking that she has already lost a tooth....you are wrong. It's a gap, ha ha!) The threat of a lose tooth freaked her out a bit, but we talked about baby teeth and permanent teeth and the tooth fairy and all that magical jazz. Now I think she's a little excited. Just how much are baby teeth going for these days anyway?

We took the girls to get their pictures taken with Kloe in their Christmas pajamas last week. The one of the three of them turned out pretty cute for a Wal-Mart special.



Some other things that are going on....hmmmm.........

Lori has an ultrasound on Friday to find out the sex of their baby!!! So excited!!! Then I can start buying cute baby stuff.

I made Payton an appointment to have her mole looked at again for next week. Hoping for good news!

We had the girls picture taken this weekend with an awesome photographer. (She also did Payton's school pictures.) They are "snow" pictures. I CANNOT WAIT to see them!!! She took them for free. All we had to do was donate a coat for local kids. Isn't that neat???

http://www.anitamphotography.com/

I know there is more.....my mind is mush as usual.

Good News!

Payton's preschool teacher told me today that she will pull some strings to get Ellie in next fall! The cutoff date to turn 4 is December 1st. Ellie won't be 4 until January 30th (2010, isn't that nuts?). I thought we were going to have to either find a new preschool :( or wait a whole year. SO YAY!!!

She said Ellie just needs to show that she can handle it. I know the girl is a hot mess, but she CAN handle it. She has her babysitter Kathie convinced that she is an angel. ;) Really, she is super smart. (Don't all moms think that?) She is though! I swear! :P

Mamacita....donde esta Santa Claus?

I haven't updated in so long. I am tired, so tired. Sick with a cold, cramps, my back hurts and I am having nightmares. Hopefully this all ends soon. I am in a fog all day at work.

We have been running constantly too. Tonight is Brad's faculty Christmas party. It's always fun, but I don't feel like going. I hope I get a burst of energy somehow tonight. Wednesday was his fishing club's Christmas party. It was fun. I won a couple pair of Christmas socks in the wives raffle. Anyone who knows me knows that is ironic because I don't wear socks. I gave them to my mom.

We have been decorating the house and Christmas shopping. I am finished with the girls and almost done with everyone else! Brad and I decided to buy a new TV, so that will be our gift to one another, I think.

Tuesday this week was our Santa visit through NOR. It was a blast. Ellie and Payton were beyond thrilled. Kloe didn't know anything out of the ordinary was happening. Natalie and Dylan were terrified. Poor babies!

Kloe is SO freaking cute. Seriously, I have never met a more easy going baby. Ryan and Michelle have gone to court and worked things out as far as custody and all that. What a stressful thing divorce is! And I'm not even in the middle of it! I just want to say how proud I am of Ryan. xoxo

yams

This is Payton's preschool pic. I know I am her mom, but c'mon....have you SEEN a more beautiful kid? :P
The photographer that took the pic is also taking "snow" pictures of Payton & Ellie on the 6th. I cannot wait to see how they turn out.

I worked in Payton's class last Wednesday. The letter of the day was "Y". Everything they do centers around the letter and the sound that letter makes. Miss Melissa read a book to the class about a yak that had never tried yams. In the end he tried them and liked them. So then the kids were given the opportunity at snack time to try yams too. I was working in the other corner of the class with a small group, but I hear Payton squeal as she sits down at the snack table and sees a yam on her plate, "OH YES! I LOVE orange chicken!" Hahahaha, I think she was a little let down when she took a closer look.

your vehicle warranty is about to expire....

Have we all received these calls? We are on the "do not call" list, but I'm not sure how well it works. Tonight the caller id says "call center". Brad picks up.

A recording telling us that our vehicle warranty is dangerously close to expiring. (OH NO!)

Press 1 to speak to a representative.

He presses 1.

The rep asks for the vehicle vin number.

Brad says "Why don't YOU tell me which of my vehicle warranties is about to expire since you called me."

We don't have that information, sir.

Brad asks "Is this a scam?"

Uh, not that I am aware of sir.

"Not that you are AWARE of? Are you kidding me?" Brad laughs.

F&(@ you, go to hell! The rep yells.

Click.

I think it's a scam, how about you?

D-Day

Ryan is at mediation right now and I am nervous for him.

I know it's the hardest thing he's ever done. She's going out of her way to make this hell for him.

I wish I could handle it for him. He's sad. He's scared. He has Kloe to think about.

I am mostly angry. I could do some damage!

I hope he calls soon with some good news.

feeling wordy

So let's make a list.

1. Dreyer's Slow Churned Peppermint Ice Cream is about amazing. If you live in Bakersfield, you have tasted Dewar's Peppermint Ice Cream. Dreyer's is pretty much just as good. Seriously. Try it.

2. I leaned on the remote control and somehow made the picture switch to this little square rather than filling up the entire wide screen. I'm trying to watch the CMA's and everyone's heads are cut off. I can't get Brad to wake up and fix it for me. I love Taylor Swift. She's a doll.

3. I have been sucked (ha) into the Twilight craze. Wow. I thought I was probably too mature for teen lit (that's sarcasm friends) but it turns out I am not. Reading New Moon right now and I love it. The first hundred pages made me bawl. Like ugly bawl. The bawl that you do not want anyone else to see you do. Totally mature.

4. The girls got into a physical altercation tonight. Ellie threw a shoe at Payton. Payton got pissed and chucked it right back, hitting Ellie in the face and giving her a bloody nose. That was lovely. Had to make them kiss. I couldn't just punish Payton for drawing blood. If Ellie threw a shoe at me, I'd chuck it back at her too. ;)

5. My back is still hurting so bad. I know. Go to the doctor. I will. I can't hardly stand up straight anymore. Hunchback of Jersey Bounce Drive.

6. So Obama will be President in a few short months. Yeah for him. Boo for all of the forwarded bad taste emails. 4 more years of this crap?

7. Ryan and Kloe came to dinner tonight. Brad made beef and broccoli. It was good! I painted the girls toes and we played with Kloe. Now I am tired.

8. Santa is coming to our house on December 2nd!

9. Top Chef starts tonight!

10. Tonight there was a Celeb Gossip category on Jeopardy. I got every answer right. How embarrassing.

G'night sweethearts.

monday, monday

Monday is always a busy day. Payton had school pictures today. I am totally and completely jealous of my 4 year old. It is NO fair that she can walk into the girl's department at the store and pick out something and be completely confidant that it'll fit. There was a day that I could do that. I didn't appreciate it nearly enough. (And no, I don't tell her momma is too fat for her clothes....I keep that to myself. :P )

She looked so grown up. I hope the photographer got better pics of her I did!

Ellie was a nut all weekend, as usual. She asked to get her ears pierced at the mall yesterday, so we did! She didn't even cry! Payton opted out. Lol! Here she is showing them off last night. They look purple because of the pen they used to mark the location. I couldn't get it all off. Another funny pic Ellie took in the bath a few nights ago. Payton spent the night with her Mimi. Ellie and I had fun together.

Last week Payton had a field trip to the Fire Station. Leave it to my kid to thump the fireman on the head.

a bad case of the "wants"

So Christmas season is sneaking up on us and somehow the kids sense it. Every commercial is met with two little sing-songy voices "I want that MOM!" They want anything and everything. This includes birth control pills. Have you seen that cute commercial with the gals in their old-timey yellow bathing suits and caps singing "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday...."(you know the rest.) Well, they want that. They don't know what "IT" is. I don't know what "IT" is. We are working on teaching the girls that there is more to Christmas than the Toys R Us catalog.

all quiet on the western front

It's 8 minutes 'till 9 and it is silent in our house. SILENT! "Silence is golden, duct tape is silver." LOL. One of my favorite quotes. Kids are asleep. Brad is gone fishing. Nothing is on tv. I want to get up and get a bowl of peppermint ice cream, but then my teeth will hurt. Too cold. :(

Today was exhausting. Joseph and Emily hung out with us while their mom and dad golfed. All of the kids were so good, but darn it they are loud! I guess that is why I am enjoying the silence now.

I am so tempted to start decorating for Christmas already. Brad would kill me. On Monday the community center is making reservations for Santa visits. It is first come, first serve, so I will have to remember to call early. Last year when Santa and Mrs. Claus knocked on our door, Payton went nuts. She STILL talks about that! Ellie was afraid of him. Who knows how she will react this year. Such a neat thing NOR does for kids though. It blows my mind that it is free! Nothing is free these days!

Well, I don't know what else to say....I am truly drained. Hope the girls sleep in tomorrow. Yeah right.

I know a girl.....

She puts the color inside my world....

There is nothing like being the mom of two little girls. Nothing.

*Man, I have had a lot of hair colors/lengths in the last 4 1/2 years.

oy, mi panza

As if it isn't enough that these damn cramps are about to kill me, I also have 3 humongous zits. Painful, deep -could be mistaken for a second nose- zits. What am I? 12? Watching America's Next Top Model isn't helping. Damn skinny young hooches.

The Bronco is gone. It was loaded up on a big truck and is on it's way to Delaware. Can you believe that? it still blows my mind that someone from Delaware bought it without ever even seeing it. I thought I would be happy to see it go, but it's a little sad. I know Brad was a little let-down, so maybe that's why I am sad. We sat out on the lawn and watched the men load it up on the double decker truck that will be taking it cross-country. The girls thought it was really neat.

Ellie is asleep. She's gone to bed really easily these past few nights. I think since I changed my attitude about bedtime, she did too. Mad props to my bud Elena for the pep talks about bedtime with spunky 2 year olds. She also recommended the book I just finished....How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk. (http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960). I really enjoyed the book. It seems so straight forward really. Brad and I are both trying to implement it. So far, so good.

Payton is watching Spongebob before bed. She went with Brad to his fishing club meeting tonight. She got to spin the raffle ticket spinning thing. Should have named her Vanna. She's tired. Me too.

This post is all over the place. The zit on my forehead is obstructing the blood flow to my brain. G'night, sleep tight.

lovebugs

halloween 2008

Brad had to dress up for school. He was Barney Rubble. He told me he couldn't "remember" which teacher was going to be Betty. Yeah right. I bet it was the cute one.

Payton and Ellie dressed up for school and daycare. I let Ellie wear Payton's old witch costume so she wouldn't mess up her new one.

Almost time to go beg strangers for candy! Estella came by to say hi.

Natalie the Pirate went trick or treating with us.......

Along with Dylan the Pirate.

Dylan is thinking "Argghhhh...wtf is Ellie wearing?"


I bought Hubba Bubba.

So now it is November. The month that we celebrate Thanksgiving and "eat the beast" as Payton puts it.

Today is Lori's 31st birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY. I've loved you forever. You are my bestest. "You get the world for your birthday, baby."

Julie's 31st birthday was 3 days ago. She is my other bestest. Love you dearly.

Man, all of my friends are old. :P

I voted today. It was quick and painless.

I'm listening to Christmas music already. I am in the spirit early this year!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kjK8PrvKlzM

This song makes me want to cry, but I keep listening to it.

All my love and prayers are still going out to Kimberly.

It's Halloween and I know one real witch.

But I won't name any names.

Let's just say you have a brother. A younger brother who you are very close to. You only want the best for him. He deserves it. Better than the best.

Someone who should be loving and respecting him is trying her hardest to tear him down.

I just want to beat her with her broom.

For my girl.

A while ago I painted polka dots in Payton's room. After that I was at a loss for what else to do. I asked her. She said she wanted "birds, owls and one of those things you blow on and make a wish." (A dandelion, lol.) So..........I saw canvases on sale at Micheal's. I already have the paint. I might as well try my hand at making her just what she asked for.

SO, for $3.99x4+tax..... :) ........we have..........